Resolutions, Smesolutions!

‘Tis the Season!

It’s the time when people start thinking about all the horrendous vices they’ve been indulging in for the past 12 months and start wondering if they could be better.
I like to drink. I think I can be better at it by doing it more often. There! My resolution is made!

Do you guys make resolutions?

I used to many years ago. A popular one for me was to quit smoking. Hahaha that’s a funny one. Every year’s end would roll around and I would vow to stop. *wink*
What’s that? Why was I winking? Well because I never really meant it. I wanted to fit in and have something to give up like all the other cool kids. Yeah. Never happened. Sometimes the new year would reach and I would say that I had to at least finish the pack. I mean how wasteful would it be for me to throw out a pack of smoke that I bought just the day before!? Don’t act like I’m the only one!
And of course the ever popular: Lose weight! Again “hehehehe” Oh, I really did want this one. I mean, how many chubby girls don’t want that? This one sure did! I never actually wanted to CHANGE though. Come on, it’s easier to just stay exactly as you are! I mean it took years to get to that comfortable and squishy place. That was a lot of work!

Though, I’m happy to say that I eventually got my shit together. In 2008 I quit smoking and over the course of 1 year I lost 100lbs. Yay me! Yeah, I’m one of those annoying people that like to toot their own horn. Hell, I’d toot an entire brass section if you’d let me. So, if anyone ever wanted advice on how to lose weight without any gimmicks, shakes, etc. just drop me a line. I’ll drop some knowledge on you.
The truth is, none of that was the result of a New Year’s Resolution; I had just had enough! I had a bleeding ulcer since high school, been on medications that just seemed to make it worse. Of course greasy foods and smoking make my tummy even angrier!
Thankfully, I’ve made changes and since then I don’t even get heartburn & I’m off all prescription medications now as well! So, it worked out well for me.
I’m not being sanctimonious or anything. I know how hard it is to take those steps to being healthier & happier. It’s a scary move no matter how miserable you are.
Want to know a secret?
I cheated.
*shhhhhhhhhhh*
That’s just between us right?
You see, I needed my wisdom teeth extracted and the Doc said I couldn’t smoke afterward for a few days. I was finally ready to quit and saw my opportunity to detox. I smoked more in the week leading up to my surgery than I ever had before. I mean, I smoked until I was green in the face and sounded like a man, then smoked some more! A raspy voice on a woman is sexy right? Yeah, I was sooooo sexy! *cough hack cough*
Haha, if I’m giving this up I need to get my FILL! And boy did I!
Then I smoked some more.
When the day came I was ready! My last cigarette was right before I walked in the dental office. I mean they deal with bad breath all the time right? Yeah…
Here was the clincher: I contracted a nasty virus in that office. *ew* Not only was I dealing with the extraction, but I became terribly sick. Sounds horrible right?
I have never been so grateful to be so miserable in my life! Because, a few days after my extraction, I tried to smoke again. OMG what the hell was wrong with me and why didn’t anyone try to knock me over the head with a frying pan to attempt to raise my I.Q.? Thank the Universe for that Blessed Virus Infection because the pain was so severe I had to put the cigarette out!
That’s how I quit smoking, I was sick for 2 weeks. (I had always smoked when sick in the past, just couldn’t handle the pain this time)
Then I figured: Well, how about we do something about all that blood I puke up in the middle of the night (I did mention my bleeding ulcer right?) (I did mention that I have no qualms about TMI right? No? Sorry. Consider yourself “post-warned) I’m a balls to the wall kinda girl (except missing that key ingredient there) so I figured why not eat better. It’s not like I’d be able to have that ever so satisfying smoke after a delightfully heavy meal. You smokers know what I’m talking about… Ohhhh yeah, who needs sex when you can light up right after a big dinner… Oooooh…
Let me compose myself, sometimes memories get the better of me.

Long story short, I changed the way I ate without giving up anything I loved. Heck, I still ate ice cream almost every night while getting healthy. I lost a lot of weight, and now I love being active and feeling gooooooood!

I’ve changed a lot since then, but I’m so happy to say that it’s mostly for the better. I may be more obnoxious now, but I can live with that lol.

So, I just want to say, don’t make resolutions that you’re not truly ready for. You’ll just set yourself up for disappointment and you may feel like a failure & not try again. It’s okay to slip up once in a while too, just get back up and try again!

“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” ~ Redd Foxx

 

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